When the Apology Never Comes

sorryIf you know the story of Jacob and Esau, you know of the deception that tore these brothers apart for many years. In fact, Esau swore to kill Jacob because of what he had done. Afraid, their mother, Rebekah, told Jacob what his brother planned and sent him away.

When the time came for them to meet again, Jacob feared for his life and family (understandably so). In his distress, Jacob divided those with him into groups, hoping that if Esau attacked one, the others could escape. His worry proved unnecessary.

Interestingly, when the brothers finally reunited, no harsh words passed between them. They didn’t throw punches or yell. The Bible says that Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; Esau threw his arms around Jacob’s neck and kissed him. They wept.

This story shows a perfect example of a relationship destroyed by betrayal that is not discussed or resolved for months or even years. Those involved no longer speak or they do but skirt around the damaging issue. Wounds fester because no one says, “I’m sorry,” words one longs to hear but that may or may not ever come.

I wonder what went through Esau’s mind (besides murder) all of that time after Jacob received their father’s blessing. Did he ever ask questions like…

  • What did I do to deserve this?
  • Why did my brother have to do this?
  • Will my brother ever visit? (In this day, we would say call, email, or text 😉 )
  • I know what he did was wrong. Shouldn’t he know it by now? And APOLOGIZE?!?!?

Have you ever asked such questions? Recently, I did.

It didn’t involve a sibling, but something happened between me and another person. Because so much time had passed, I thought I was fine. That is, until I saw this person and thought, “Where’s my apology and my conversation?!”

Yep, that year-overdue apology from someone who claimed to be my friend or rather wanted to be. This person shut me out and I felt like everything was my fault. Yet, they ended the relationship by calling me a name.

So after all this time, I expected an apology. I deserved it. Even though, in my mind I thought I got along just fine, I still waited, still felt irritated.

I asked the questions Esau might have asked:

  • What did I do to deserve this?
  • Why did they have to do this to me?
  • Will they ever call to admit they were wrong?
  • I know what they did was wrong. Shouldn’t they know it by now? And APOLOGIZE?!?!?

On and on I went. After all this time, guess what?

This little lady has yet to receive the apology she feels she deserves. Apparently, the other person disagrees with my opinion. 🙂 Sometimes, we recognize when we have done others wrong and fully admit it, but other times we may not know it or just don’t want to admit it.

But I am no longer waiting on an apology, and it’s ok if I never receive it.

I have forgiven them. I have forgiven myself too. I beat myself up for a long time for allowing this person to be in life (yep, I so took it there!) and condemned myself to no end on how I should have recognized the fakery.

It’s odd because in my situation, I never expected the kind of reconciliation that Jacob and Esau had, but I honestly wanted an acknowledgment because I felt I had been wronged. We all crave that. When we feel wronged, it’s OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! But…

When I look back over my life, I can think times when I wronged others and didn’t apologize. In some instances, I may never know I did wrong.

Could there be someone out there now, waiting for an apology from Trina?

Beloved, could there be someone possibly expecting an apology from you?

This event reminded me that some situations won’t end with a kiss and embrace, but we always have a choice.

We can either live for the apology, or we can live on the freedom that forgiveness, truly gives.

So beloved, when the apology never comes … WHATCHA GONNA DO?

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