Forgive? No Way!

forgivenowayWho gets hurt when we hold a grudge against someone? Who gets the pain when we absolutely refuse to even think about forgiving the one/ones who hurt us? We do.

A grudge, also known as un-forgiveness, harms the one holding on to it. Un-forgiveness works like a ‘cancer’ that can literally kill us if we don’t deal with it.

When the Lord first began dealing with me about forgiving my Dad, I wouldn’t listen. I shook my fist at Him and told Him it WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!!  I refused to think about it. I did not want to hear one more word from Him about it. He was a gentleman and backed-off. I chose to stay in un-forgiveness for four long, miserable months. I got so sick and tired of being miserable that I finally gave in to the will of my Father. I surrendered. I forced myself to say, “OK, OK, I forgive Dad!” I wish I could tell you that I experienced instant total recovery it didn’t happen that way. It took time to process my feelings about Dad. However, saying “I forgive” opened the door for God to start my healing journey.

Quoting from a Mayo Clinic article:

“What are the effects of holding a grudge?

  • Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
  • Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present
  • Become depressed or anxious
  • Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual belief
  • Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others”

A few of their listed benefits of forgiving are:

  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Stronger immune system

These are all valid points showing the physical benefit of forgiveness. However, God is the ONLY ONE who can get deep enough to heal the shattered heart of our wounded past. I pray you will try this “forgiveness” thing.  When I surrender to God, He heals my heart, my soul and my spirit. God is waiting for you just like He was waiting for me. If something doesn’t change in your life, nothing will ever change. Forgive? YES I CAN! With the help of Jesus, I can forgive all day in every way.

Valerie

Two Times, Same Message

Proud to announce the new columnist at Leading Young Women to Hope! She is the IPD (Intercessory Prayer Director) of  the LYWH Ministry!

Introducing to some and presenting to others, Starlet Ware:

LYWH Starlet1I, Starlet Ware, declare over myself that I am emotionally well!  Most days I look totally together. I move through life praying for people, speaking kindly, and helping whomever I come in contact with. I can even counsel wisely. I love those days and interactions because I feel loved, needed, and used by God.

However, the days/moments I lash out and have temper tantrums are not productive, but at that moment, I don’t care. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, rant, wave my hands and lash out at whomever I believe has hurt me (usually my husband). Today, as I write this is one of those moments.

What was my journey to emotional wellness? Well, let me tell a little of my story.

I graduated from high school at 18 years of age, 1984. I went to work at a fast food restaurant owned by a family member. I happily worked, enjoyed my co-workers, and most customers. My mother came to have coffee daily. She’d sit and talk to us as we worked.

One day, my mother told me to “watch out for that man.” I didn’t know why but she emphasized it. I went on working. Time past and then the owner of the restaurant approached me and said “watch out for ‘J,’ he likes you.” Two times, same message. I couldn’t miss his over 6’ frame but I didn’t know what I was watching for.

Two occasions made me know why I was to ‘watch for him:’

  • Business was slow so we were told to clean, restock, and get ready for our next wave of customers. I ran downstairs to get supplies and as I ascended the stairs, ‘J’ descended. His large frame blocked the small stairwell. He embraced me and kissed me! I was stunned but continued upstairs and put the supplies away.
  • Days came and went. Another cleaning, restocking, and readying the place, I ran downstairs for supplies. I heard someone else descend while I was in the storage room. Arms loaded, I go to the door and find it locked. I call for help but realize ‘J’ is the one responsible. He came to the door, taunting me. I was irritated, frustrated, and wanted him to quit playing. He finally unlocked the door and as I went to go around him, he pulled me close with one arm and slid his other hand… well, you get the picture.

With two warnings and two different work incidents, my virginity was stripped away.

I wish I could say I reported him, told my mom or cousin. I did neither. I felt dirty. I went on having sex with him for about a year till I came to myself. I remember the breakthrough, freedom of no longer sinning against my body. Thank God for mind renewal.

Until age 38, I had only told one person in addition to the co-worker, about my experience. I will tell some more of my journey next week. Thank you so much for reading. I pray this has been an encouragement to you and may you be able to tell your story and get your emotional wellness every day. God bless you!

Have You Heard?

In case you missed Takiela on Choose NOW Ministries Teen Talk Radio, here’s your chance to hear her NOW – just scroll to the bottom of this post.

Also, if you haven’t heard about The Scarless Pledge…

by Takiela Bynum 2013©

The Scarless Letter

Hello Beautiful.

I know you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders right now. Family issues, the kids at school, boy drama, grades, and the list goes on. Add sex (pregnancy scare or worse), drugs, or alcohol into the equation and it upgrades your life from bad to worse.

You’ve isolated yourself and are drowning in depression. Numb from any feelings of hope, craving death. You pick up a razor and start to cut, ultimately leaving scar after scar until…red-eye-liner-swatch

Does this sound familiar?

When I look at you, I see the past me. My prayer is that when you look at me, you’ll see the (possible) future you. Twenty years ago I was fifteen and dealing with the issues of life. Feeling lost and I would often embrace thoughts of eternal sleep. My mind had grown tired of the endless troubles going on in my life at that time. I wanted to escape. I wanted peace. I began to cut. My only hope was that one day I’d hit a vein that would take me out of my misery…forever.

Understand that no one told me that my life wouldn’t always be filled with hurt and pain. I didn’t know that I’d have a life bursting with more joy that I could ever imagine. I wasn’t aware that every scar I put on my body, I’d have to give an account for one day (to my children). My present hurt prevented me from seeing my future hope.

When you’re in a hopeless state of mind, you may not realize it, but you’re telling God that even He is incapable of solving your problems. It’s too complicated for Him to resolve. You’re saying things are the worst it could ever be and will always be this way, ultimately shutting out the only One who can bring you out.

Your future in Christ is much brighter than any darkness you will ever endure. (Read Roman 8:18) No one shared that truth with me which makes me obligated to share this vital information with you.

Today let’s make a pledge, from this day forward we’re going “scarless!” We can’t do anything about the old scars but we can choose not to make new scars. Let’s put down our razors and pick up scarlet red eyeliner. When or if we ever get the urge to cut, use the red eyeliner. It’ll help remind you of the blood Jesus shed on the cross for you and it’ll also wash away…never leaving a scar.

I, (insert name here), being of sound mind and body, here do pledge to God and all who love me on this month (insert month here), of this day (insert day here), in this year (insert year here) to bury all self-harming ways, never to be exhumed again! In the sight of God and all witnesses, I promise if and/or when I get the urge to self-harm, I’ll replace my instrument of destruction with an instrument that represents hope, a scarlet red eyeliner pencil, instead. I will do this in remembrance of the blood Jesus shed on the cross for me, (insert name here). I am committed to the “scarless” pledge. With God nothing is impossible.

Find an accountability partner, someone who will help you commit to this pledge. Know that you have fans cheering you on and praying for you in heaven and all over the earth. Even though I’ll already be praying, if you’d like me to pray for a specific person/situation or if I can help in another way comment below publicly or email me privately (takiela@takielabynum.com).Take the “scarless” pledge today!