Katrina Hunter Set Free (Hannah’s Corner)
Psalm 118:8-(NIV) It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans.
Right now, I am mad but extremely grateful.
I caught a vision of my former self as I was reading a book on insecurity. I was mad because at various points of my life, I had been immensely insecure, which led to destructive behavior. I was thankful to God because not only had He delivered me from a toxic relationship,but he delivered me from myself.
I was reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and in one chapter, she began to talk about how insecurities can make us cross lines. She addressed the fact that there is a difference in knowing information and knowing too much information. Sometimes, in our insecurities, we can get into a trap of thinking we need to know everything because we think that somehow, if we knew all the details of a situation, it would make us more secure…right? Wrong!
The situation Beth described was of a young woman who had experienced a broken engagement. She confessed to Beth that when her and her fiance were dating, she had become convinced that something about him was not quite right. As nice as he was, something was off. She would constantly catch him eyeballing other women. She thought she was imagining it, but of course when confronted – he denied it. Though she never caught him doing anything else, the suspicion went overboard, eventually destroying the relationship. The young lady believed, even in her pain and brokenness of heart, that the right decision to not marry him had been made and that this was God’s will.
But somehow, trusting God and trusting her own relationship with God wasn’t enough.
She became obsessed with “knowing” the entire situation and eventually was able to hack into his email account. Though she didn’t discover pornography, she did uncover emails where he crossed the line with numerous girls.
She realized that he wasn’t the type of man she would want to marry but God had already told her that – yet she wasn’t satisfied enough with that revelation. Beth then goes on to tell how the girl, once she had access to the emails, would go into his account constantly, reading and rehearsing the messages she saw. Although she now had proof of his “wrongs”, oddly enough – the young lady didn’t feel any better. If anything, she felt worse.
Not only did she know – she knew way too much.
And now, she wasn’t capable of handling the information. It was consuming her.
I remember this girl. I was this girl.
A few years ago, I was dating a young man and I too, already knew something wasn’t right. I had received countless signs from God (though I wasn’t living for God at the time, I do believe he was trying desperately to get my attention). I knew this young man wasn’t the one or anything close to it, I just kept thinking and hoping it change, or that what I was seeing and feeling was all my imagination.
I’ll never forget the day I tried to be a detective. I never thought that I would be one of those girls who would go through a guy’s phone, or anyone’s phone for that matter, but that day, I turned into THAT girl. I remember having these overwhelming feelings of deep distrust. The Holy Spirit didn’t tell me to snoop through his phone—that was all me; I was just being warned in my spirit that besides all the other drama, something was not right.
One night, when I was at his house, while he was sleep, I got up and made my way into the den where he had left his cell phone. I went through it, saw some text messages that disturbed me, hurt me, and confirmed what I thought all at the same time.
From what I could make out of the text, there was some girl who was going to come see him or had already come to see him. I think he was at his mother’s house at the time. She apparently had texted him about meeting her to get the key to his house. I put the phone back and tried to go back to bed, but I had a hard time sleeping. The next morning, I woke up with that on my brain. I was hurt and confused. He was making coffee for us and I remember the feeling of literally wanting to throw something at him. I wanted to wipe that smug, lying, look of innocence off of his face and yell, “Gotcha!”
At some point that morning, my then boyfriend got into the shower. It gave me the opportunity to look at his phone again, only to find out not only was there a chance that someone had been to his house, but he was also having an inappropriate, out of bounds, overly flirtatious and tacky conversation with another female via text message. I thought I had turned the phone back off, but I didn’t. When he got out of the shower, we were talking and to my surprise and his, the phone rang!
Beloved, what’s to be learned from both of these stories?
- SECURE PEOPLE DON’T SNOOP. Enough said.
- SECURE PEOPLE DON’T LIVE IN DENIAL, but THEY DEFINITELY don’t go looking for more trouble when they already know something isn’t right. Beloved, what more proof do you need and is it going to help the situation at all if you did learn more? Had I believed, like the Psalmist said and made the Lord my refuge, then I would have known the person I was with couldn’t be trusted. God had shown me that prior to my detective work. All humans are/were not be distrusted, just this one in this case 🙂
- SECURE PEOPLE HEED THE WARNINGS and there is grace that assists with what has been revealed to us, but it can also be spiritually and mentally draining when we purposely insist upon seeking after that which is “too hot to handle.” Often, when we do – we get burned.
So, beloved, let this be a reminder about snooping and trust. If there is no trust – there is no relationship.
‘Cause when you snoop, you lose.