Involved in a relationship I knew God didn’t approve of, I realized that as I grew closer to Christ that relationship would come to an end. One of the reasons (and it should have been the main one) was in the drastically different views he and I held of sex. My boyfriend at the time said it was ok for us have sex because we intended to eventually marry. I gave in to his arguments partly out of fear of losing him and partly because I didn’t know how to vocalize my reasons for wanting so say, “no.”
So, one day, I tried. I wanted to discuss spiritual reasons for waiting until marriage to have sex. We could address it from Christ’s perspective since my boyfriend and I were both devout Christians, right? We would pull out our Bibles and have this awesome experience with God that would deeply convict us to purity. However, to my sorrow, by the end of our conversation my boyfriend hadn’t changed his mind. While I believed more than ever that we shouldn’t have sex at all in any way, shape, or form until marriage, this supposedly Christian man (well, he knew scriptures and sang in a Christian group, etc.) told me it was ok. If he was the man I was meant to marry and God spoke to him, then it had to be ok? Right?
As I continued to grow in my relationship with God, my boyfriend’s behavior annoyed me more. Although he told me how wonderful his church was, he didn’t attend regularly. Our behavior didn’t seem to bother him even a bit though I confidently knew that his church didn’t teach that sex outside of marriage was okay. So, how could this be?
When I questioned him further, my boyfriend insisted that if I became all righteous about sex being a sin and wanted to stop sleeping with him, then I also needed to be as adamant about not lying, cheating, etc. According to him, I needed to put all my sins on the same page and not make having sex outside of marriage the biggest issue. That comment confused me because I knew I was not perfect, but it sounded more like a manipulative way to get me to continue having sex with him. It made me feel condemned because I knew I wasn’t as righteous as I wanted to be and felt like he was right. If I would never be able to stop doing all that I want to stop doing, then I might as well keep doing what I am doing.
In other words,“If I can’t stop from sinning in other areas, no need in condemning him of his mistakes or his beliefs about sex. It’s not like I conquered all of my devils. So, maybe we can still do it?”
Bottom line beloved:
God ALWAYS minds a little (or any) compromise. In this case, it’s either sex within marriage or sex outside of marriage. There is no justifying “sex almost married.”
Which of these choices do you believe God approves of?
PRAYER: Heavenly Father, you are a healer of the mind, body and soul. You can heal my hurts of my past. I thank you Lord. Show me where I have been fearful and passive. God, help me to not overlook you when you are warning me. Help me to not pick others counsel over yours. Lord, tell me when and how I should take a stand for righteousness and purity. Show me my worth and give me the strength to be who you want me to be. God, show me your will for sex. You do not condemn, but forgive. Thank you for your forgiveness.