Proud to announce a new member of the Leading Young Women to Hope Ministry Team!
Introducing Katrina Hunter:
Growing up, I was always looking and searching for love, going to the wrong people and the wrong things, hoping those things would fix what I thought was wrong with me. I hoped that those things would heal those deep hurts I didn’t have the courage at the time to face. I did not press into God, and to be honest, I had no interest in doing so at the time. I had no concept of what that would even feel or look like until later on in my life. Because of this lack of pursuing God (and giving into His pursuit of me) I kept a lot of pain bottled up inside.
The need for attention. The need for acceptance.
The need to feel free to cry. The need to feel safe. The need to feel loved.
These were all places where I had been damaged and didn’t allow God to work in my life. Subconsciously, I drew boundaries for Him. God was only allowed in certain areas of my life – surface areas – not the deep ones.
So instead, I used relationships with men to deal with the deep pain that I was in. Then, each relationship opened up a can of worms at various times called:
Anger. Disappointment. Neglect. Shame. Rage. Crying Uncontrollably.
I didn’t know where to submit these feelings and definitely didn’t want to face the source of them. Deep down, I knew where they stemmed from, but it was easier for me to ignore them than to confront them. So, when things happened that hurt or bothered me, all sordid types of emotions and memories would surface and I would explode with my behavior (unhealthy behavior). Whether it was because I didn’t receive the phone call I was expecting, I was offended by something someone said or did, or I was ignored, I would react in a way that was not of God neither did I express myself directly to God about those situations and how they frustrated me. I threw things, tore things up, kicked, yelled, etc. You get the picture.
I was being led by my emotions and not spiritually led by God.
Instead of focusing on the root and taking the root before God – I took the damaged fruit that was growing and ran with it. The damaged had life because I kept watering it with unforgivness, judgment of others, offense, anger, etc. My emotions were like a drug to me that had me hooked and high. When something happened that triggered a memory – it was on. One minute I was up – the next minute I was down. I never surrendered anything to God.
My Damaged Emotions Were Driving Me.
The fruit I was bearing almost destroyed my mind and my relationship with Christ because I was getting to a point where I was saying,
“Lord, I don’t need you. I got this. I will take matters into my own hands.”
At that point, I stepped into a dangerous zone that over a period of time, God brought me out of when I surrendered to Him.
Beloved – when your emotions and memories have been damaged, those are things that have to be taken by you to God ALWAYS. When you don’t, the end result will always be you solving matters without His counsel, manipulating situations, and then trying to put a “Jesus” twist on it as if he instructed you to do so.
Beloved – you must remember that those damaged places will always drive you to a place where they will continually have control over you if you don’t take control of the wheel.
Don’t be driven by damaged memories and emotions. Instead, be led by the Holy Spirit and be healed.
Founder of Call Me Set Free Ministries