Accountability/Life Coach

Starlet Ware

Encouragement and Prayer

 

Helping Hands

These last few years, I’ve thought: “If only I had an accountability partner, I would be so much further along in my business journey.”  I’ll talk about two such opportunities when I had that person in place.  As soon as they were there, I would talk myself out of committing to the work it takes to better my circumstances.

Last year, after I left my job, God allowed a man who is a Life Coach, to come into my life.  He helped me set up an action plan.  He and I talked about my dreams, goals and desires and what I needed to do to get to my goals.  He’d call and check in with me and he told me I could call him whenever I needed to.  I’d report how I was doing and how good it felt to have a schedule/plan.  A month or so after our appointments ended, I got off my set schedule.  No accountability, no work put in.  Soon, I didn’t even pull out my book to remind myself of all the good information I had written.  ‘D’ was an asset to me.  He was very encouraging because he would tell me: “Starlet, you are a joy to work with and you get it!”

This year, again I was saying to God “I need help.”  Ask and you shall receive.  Yes, God had a lady from church call me because she ‘needed’ to do 20 Life Coaching sessions to get her Life Coaching certificate.  She asked if I was willing to participate in a free session?  I just about screamed ‘YES!’  We Iaughed and set the appointment.  We had our free session and during the conversation, she informed me, she had chosen me to coach for 30 days free if I would accept?  I hesitated in answering because I remembered my last failed accountability a year ago.  Was I ready to commit?  Yes, I accepted.  ‘C’ told me how ‘awesome’ I am and that I am a joy to work with.  Thank you, God!

As I write this, I am aware that I believed him then and her now.  I get that I am accountable to my commitment so accountability, although WORK, it is worth it even when I fail to do my assignments or don’t do them well.  Don’t walk (or lay) around sulking about all the failures.  I did for a little while.  Instead, I decided to remember all the things I have learned from my failures and celebrate the things I have accomplished.

Life Coaches Rock

Starlet

“Thanks” Giving

1 Thessalonians 5:18: 18 Give thanks in everything, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Give thanks in everything, really God? What about when my child/parent/sibling dies, my husband/wife cheats, my son/daughter has a baby out of wedlock, my car dies on the way to an interview, a health issue arises or I have no money? Yes, loved one, even then.

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We have to allow our minds to be renewed (Romans 12:2) in order to give thanks in EVERYTHING. In the past, I would gladly accept the good but ask WHY when the bad came. I thank God I don’t have to have all the answers anymore. I trust God has the best in mind for me and he knows my future. I don’t get it right all the time but hallelujah, better.

This song by Don Moen came to mind as I write “give thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks to the holy one, give thanks because he’s given Jesus Christ, his son and now let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich because of what the Lord has done for us. Give thanks.” God set the precedence. We can rest in the fact he isn’t telling us to do anything he hasn’t already done well. He gave his one and only son to die for our sins. He is the ultimate in giving thanks in everything!

Thank you for reading again this week. I pray you are encouraged by this word. What are you thankful for? Tell me about it below or email me at Starlet@TakielaBynum.com.

God bless you,
Starlet

 

Listening to the Voice of the Lord

Divination Will Not Heal Your Broken Heart

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I couldn’t wait for the funeral to be over! The service was really nice and thank God, I didn’t pass out. I was actually a little smiley and perky, but still thought several times about jumping into the ground at the burial. The night of the funeral, I went to a club and stayed out until at least 5 a.m. the next morning. I didn’t want the day of my friend’s funeral to end because as long as the day was going, it was like he still existed. The next day, I would have to face the fact of no phone calls, no more programs and caskets…just life.

Days turn into weeks, and weeks into months and I found myself slipping away.  Going to church was not enough to help me through my grief. In fact, I just stopped attending church altogether because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I just couldn’t say the words “God, I love you. You are worthy” without flinching or anger arising in my heart. How can God be so wonderful, yet I felt I was dying on the inside?

The Bible says that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” and yet, I did not feel Him. I was angry, and honestly, did not want to feel Him.

My heart was broken.

Beloved, when your heart is broken and hardened and not open to God – it’s setting the stage for anything and anyone to come in your heart.

When you don’t communicate your heartache (towards God) to God, your heart is no longer guarded FOR GOD. Instead, you begin to guard your heart FROM HIM.

I tried everything and did everything after my friend’s death to null the pain. You name it I did it. I did it all including going to someone I would pay to see whenever I wanted to. I liked talking to her because she was someone I didn’t know. No – she wasn’t a counselor.

She was a psychic.

I was in a really hard place and I needed a place where I could be free and the devil took advantage of that because I opened that door.

When you close God out from your heartache – you will let anybody in and listen to anybody but God.

I DO MEAN ANYBODY.

The few people that I did manage to tell this to asked:  “Did she tell you anything that was true?” My response “Perhaps. I don’t really know or remember.”

And then I say, “I honestly didn’t go to her because I thought she could tell me the truth—I went to her because she didn’t judge me or try to make me feel better . She just listened.”

Gotquestions.org says,

“… it is undeniable that psychics sometimes know things that should be impossible for them to know. Where do they get this information? The answer is from Satan and his demons. “And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve” (2 Corinthians 11:14-15). Satan pretends to be kind and helpful. He tries to appear as something good… It appears innocent at first, but soon people can find themselves addicted to psychics and unwittingly allow Satan to control and destroy their lives. Whatever the case and wherever the source of the information, nothing connected to spiritism, witchcraft, or astrology is a godly means of discovering information. How does God want us to discern His will for our life? God’s plan is simple, yet powerful and effective: study the Bible (2 Timothy 3:16-17) and pray for wisdom (James 1:5).

When I went to go see the psychic, talking with her made me feel at ease and I needed that,. but because of my decision to entertain her and others, I paid dearly and spiritually for years. I spent years dazed, confused, and in utter despair because I refused to bend my knee. Eventually, I was able to make a confession about this to a pastor in 2008 and praise the Lord I have not been back since,  but it also took me being willing to surrender to His (the Lord’s voice) and casting down the evil and distracting voices I was hearing. I had to position myself to hear from Him and ask for the desire to want to hear from Him, which wasn’t easy – but I did it.

Sometimes hurts can go so deep that it appears to take the very breath out of us. We have things that happen to us. It damages us and if it keeps happening enough times or hits hard enough, it can kill your hope. It will kill your faith. It will try to kill your trust in people and even God.

As I encourage myself, let me also encourage you. We can’t hide our pain or our disappointments from God. Nor, should we feel guilty or bad because we feel pain. He can handle the truth.

Divination and any form of manipulation won’t heal your broken heart.

Only God can.

Katrina.

www.CallMeSetFree.com

The Silent Abuser

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

katrinahunterquote2Lord knows I have had my fair share of broken relationships and attempted ones, but by far, a couple of relationships stand out because they remind me why knowing my value in Christ is always essential and relevant (meaning, it’s important and I can never set my identity apart from Him). It also reminds me of what can happened whenever two broken, wounded, and incapable persons get together and “call” themselves to be “committed.” It can be disastrous in so many areas. It can be damaging when both of the people are confessing to know Christ, yet living in complete sin. It can be even more damaging when one is on the receiving end of emotional abuse and not even be aware that it’s happening to them. I know first hand that it can cause confusion and dare I say – make you feel like you are losing your mind. Those feelings are signs of what I will refer to as…the silent abuser.

You don’t know something is wrong until your partner let’s you know something is wrong. I remember how one guy would get mad at me for stuff he did. Then, he wouldn’t call for days at a time, yet I would be calling him. He eventually would return my calls and would always tell me he didn’t answer because he needed time to deal with his issues. This guy pulled these disappearing acts occasionally and when I would say that it hurt my feelings, he brushed it off as me being needy.  He would say things about other girls in front of my face. When I would bring up how I felt, or try to explain something that was important to me, he would say things like, “It’s not about you, Katrina. It’s about Christ. You just want to be selfish.”

One guy wasn’t the best at being emotionally supportive. He didn’t want to hear about me “complaining about my life”  when things in his life wasn’t the best. “Would you rather be me?” is what he’d ask when I wanted to talk to him about my problem at that moment. Eventually, I learned to not ask him for stuff and I shut down. Then another guy would be driving on the road, I would hear background noise, and if I asked him where he was going, he would get defensive or tell me he wasn’t doing anything. This same guy later told me that he would always answer “nothing” when I’d ask him what he was doing (when I heard him driving) because I didn’t ask the right question.

I think by now you get the point. I was a victim to this silent abuser of emotional and even mental abuse. I was always wondering if I was doing something wrong to make these guys not love me or appreciate me. I was always plagued with, “Am I going crazy because I know you said this but now you say that?” I had a hard time discerning the truth. I was overcome with shame and guilt with the thoughts of being the one causing the problems in the relationships.

When I look back on those times, I’m heartbroken that I put up with the things that I did.

However, now I understand why I did it.

Beloved, let me state here now that I do not believe we ask for or deserve abuse. However, I will say that sometimes, because of our mindsets and where we are, we have a tendency to gravitate toward people and situations that match whatever shape of our current spirits/emotions, etc. We will, at times, unknowingly seek those things out, regardless of the matter, shape, or form.

For me, I was really desperate to be loved, accepted, and paid so much attention that I saw unhealthy signs in these men, yet I chose to stay.  Why? They were available. I wanted a huge void to be filled by any means necessary and they filled it.

Filled it with hurt. Filled it with rejection. Filled it with manipulation.

They knew what I needed most and was able to use it against me…to hurt me.

As I reflect on those times in my life from years ago, I rejoice now knowing that I’m not that same person anymore.

The person who willingly entered and stayed in those relationships no longer exists.

  • Because I am forgiven and I have forgiven those who have hurt me in those relationships, I am free from the burden of regret, guilt, and shame.
  • Because I know who I am in Christ, I no longer find certain things, behaviors, and certain types of relationships acceptable. I’ve raised my standards.

Finally, because I know who I am Christ, I know that I am always loved and passionately pursued by Himthe one who loves me most! Therefore, my propensity now leans toward true, patient, and kind love – found in Jesus Christ and the Godly relationships He places in my life.

Remember:

It is possible that you can truly BE LOVED, Beloved!

 

Resolutions

resolutionDuring this time of the year there is always talk about resolutions, fresh starts, new year/new me, etcetera, etcetera…and by March the resolution has dissolved.

I’ve learned long ago that my “will power” is unreliable, however, the power of my Father’s will is unmistakable. Through the trial and error of dependency on me, I have failed numerous times. In fact, I am certain the weapons that form against me will prosper, outside of Christ. The imperfect are not capable of being Perfect, the flawed cannot comprehend the Flawless.

Don’t misunderstand, being goal orientated is a characteristic of the successful, according to the standard of society, but as a Christian, we should raise the bar of our standard and be God orientated, which is a characteristic of the Holy Spirit.

No, it’s not wrong to be ambitious, mark your target, and aim for it. Yet, it is wrong to focus so much on reaching an objective that you miss the Mark. Make no mistake, the Lord is not a mere priority that He should be put on a list, He is above the list.

I’m sure that the intention of the tradition is not of a malicious nature, I only want to ensure that our motives are not of a selfish disposition. Point all victories to the victorious One. Resolve to remain in Christ and the rest will be added according to His will.

Lastly, although it is a new year, the fresh start can happen at any moment. We don’t have to wait until January 1st of each year to start over and make goals that we may or may not reach. The word of God says that even His mercies are renewed daily, not annually. Freedom in God is liberating. If the Lord bound us to those terms, we’d be in bondage 364 days a year, as we were (in the Old Testament) until Jesus came and freed us forever when He died on the cross. Thank you Lord for the Savior of the world, who resolved to dissolve sin forever!

Can I Have a Word with You?

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Be on the reserve

for the one who deserves…

your heart.

Victor Hugo

The word which God has written on the brow of every man is Hope.

VICTOR HUGO, Les Misérables